When I first went back and started reading these devotions from more than a decade ago, I realized pretty quickly that the early ones were not nearly as strong as the later entries.
Part of that is probably because I was still trying to figure out exactly what I wanted this series to become. I think I was also intentionally trying not to simply summarize Os Guinness’ book The Call. I wanted these thoughts to become more personal and practical as I worked through ideas about calling, mission, purpose, leadership, and what I eventually started calling “My Aim.”
At the time, that phrase sounded really important to me.
“Aim Small, Miss Small” sounded wise and disciplined and purposeful (and it is a common thing I say to QB’s ALL the time.. So it is a buzz phrase for me and of course, it is from “The Patriot” one of my favorite movies)
And there is certainly truth in that idea.
But looking back now, more than ten years later, my life has not unfolded nearly as neatly as I once imagined it would. Honestly, it often feels less like carefully aiming at a target and more like running around like a headless chicken while God somehow still gets me where I need to be.
That may actually be closer to reality than I wanted to admit back then.
One of the most important chapters in The Call is called “Seekers Sought.” I probably underestimated that chapter when I first read the book years ago. Or maybe I simply had not lived enough life yet to fully appreciate it.
Guinness spends some time discussing Leonardo da Vinci, and that example affects me differently now than it did a decade ago.
When you are younger, Da Vinci mostly sounds inspiring. Brilliant. Curious. Creative. Interested in everything. But the older I get, the more haunting that story feels. So many unfinished projects. So many scattered interests.So much searching. (and it is Exhausting)
And maybe age just makes you more aware that the clock is ticking a little louder than it once did.Just a few months ago I wrote the quote from Tennessee Williams (That time is short and it doesn't return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read it, and the monosyllable of the clock is 'Loss, Loss, Loss' unless you devote your heart to its opposition.)
But the encouragement in this chapter is not really about becoming a better seeker. Guinness’ point is almost the opposite.
Christianity is not mainly about our search for God. It is about God pursuing us.
That is a very different idea than most modern discussions about spirituality, purpose, and self-discovery.
Scripture is full of examples of people wandering, resisting, doubting, running, hiding, failing, and zig-zagging through life while God continues pursuing them anyway.The Bible narratives are messy. This journey is not clinical- it is NOT a straight line.
And honestly, I find that encouraging.
Because if my life depended completely on my own clarity, discipline, and ability to perfectly execute some master life-plan, I would have failed long ago.
Instead, when I look back over my life, I mostly see the faithfulness of God through a lot of imperfect decisions, changing seasons, unexpected turns, unfinished plans, and occasional confusion.
That does not mean calling is unimportant. I still think calling matters deeply.
I still think we should think carefully about direction, stewardship, priorities, and how we spend our lives.
But I think I understand something a little differently now than I did when I first wrote these devotions years ago.
Peace does not come from perfectly engineering your future. Peace comes from trusting that God is faithful even while we are still figuring things out.
So maybe that is the better question for today.
Not simply:
“What is MY aim?” But maybe “Where is God’s bullseye? And how stubborn am I going to be- resisting the Lord- before I get there?”
Note: These themes have been so consistent in me going back to even my literature studies in the 1980’s that I have wrestled with them in verse and song as well- Here are a few blogposts and songs that capture today' s reading.
The Last Days of Howard Hughes
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