Saturday, March 09, 2024

When Perfection Doesn't Fit- Where to Find Help

So, I think I'll find a long white line
Curse the world and leave it all behindI been trying all this timeBut still can't climb the mountains of my mind (Chris Stapleton)

There is a mental haunting to coaching that has to be monitored closely. In my 34 years in this business, I have worked with individuals who suffered both physical and mental decline under the pressure of competition. Because of the variables of alignments, formations, and movements; football coaching has a unique ability to imprison the mind.

This game has endless hours of film watching, drawing, and creates a thrill when these thought experiments produce results on the field. In my younger days as an offensive coordinator, my eyelids would flicker the movement of plays when I finally tried to get some sleep.

48 hours before a game, I would rehearse and replay endless scenarios of down and distance in certain areas of the field and would match the opponent's defense against those calls. At the same time, I developed an idea for a base plan and the changeups required to keep the other team off balance.

For a 'highly functioning introvert' like myself it is an escape and a madness all at the same time. It can be tough on a marriage and create issues with children who need attention and interaction.

I miss calling plays and I believe I was really good at it. But if I am honest, I am glad to NOT be doing that as well. 

I work with an excellent play caller now but ALL play callers are subject to disdain and ridicule. It hurts a lot when people attack play callers.... it usually comes with no understanding or respect for the energy and effort by those who are actually in the arena.

The most sinister complainers are those who 'know the game' - but never stop to realize what they DO NOT know. They don't know the personnel of each team as they cross match, they don't know the analysis of both teams previous games leading up to this game, they don't know how practice went, they don't know if a play is a set-up for another time, and usually the evaluation is a simple as a good call works and a bad call doesn't.

Those people never go away, so if you go into the business, it is simply the price you pay to make those calls. Over the years, I learned how to deal with it, but that part can be aggravating!

But this post is about how it can go DANGEROUSLY wrong- and I write this in hopes that someone reading this may be helped or help someone to avoid the most senseless tragedy of all.
There is a mental drive in football that can lead to difficult places. In our quest to be best, we can get close to a waterfall of tragedy.

I was made aware of this sad story many years ago by Bob Crandall, former BCS teachers, who knew Coach McDuffie personally.

On Feb. 16, 1996 Wayne McDuffie, age 52 was found dead at his home in Tallahassee, FL. He had shot himself- twice. No one ever really knows why people choose such an illogical and tragic route, but if we don't learn from these stories, we can't prevent them from happening again.

In a by-gone age before google, i-phones, and YouTube- these stories tend have short shelf lives and not a lot of lasting information.

A lot of coaches have a time where their name is hot. And in the 1980's Wayne McDuffie was the latest to receive accolades of his innovative and productive attack. He masterminded Florida State’s high-octane offense in those days. He was also a part of Georgia’s 1980 championship team, Vince Dooley’s offensive line coach. 

High school coaches flocked to his clinics where he spoke with intelligence and charisma -he was an intense man on and off the field. Coaches admired his toughness.

He fit the stereotype of the ranting and raving coach. His language was vulgar, and he worked his players so hard in practice that even other coaches winced. Of course, we don't mind if coaches, the leaders of young men, are flawed. Everything is excused so long as they produce excitement on the field.

McDuffie served as offensive coordinator at Florida State from 1983-89 and recruited Heisman Trophy-winner Charlie Ward during his tenure.

Georgia guard Jim Blakewood: “I can’t imagine there being a tougher coach. We felt like nobody in the league worked harder than we did. The teams we were getting ready to play couldn’t survive our practices. The games were a piece of cake.”

In Tales from the 1980 Georgia Bulldogs, Dooley discussed what a great coach McDuffie was and how he couldn’t turn off his intensity. They had to send him on recruiting trips Thursdays and Fridays. “The players would be so stressed out after Sunday through Wednesday with Wayne that they needed a few days to build their confidence back up.”

But hot names cool down... and Coach Wayne was no different. 

McDuffie's haunting to push perfection was taking its toll.

In 1994, McDuffie was wearing down.... “I really thought I wouldn’t survive this year. I’m so exhausted from trying to put pieces together that don’t fit,  It was the end of another grueling season as offensive coordinator at UGA. “I’m trying to make something from nothing. I really thought I would die. I thought I would have a heart attack and die because I worked so hard.” The team had what was, for Wayne McDuffie, a disastrous season. The Bulldogs went 6-4-1.

While McDuffie conformed to our ideas of a football coach, he also was a church-going, highly-principled father of three. He wasn't the only one to see the contradiction, but nobody could view the conflict within.All the signs were there. The amusement-park mood swings, a strong, masculine veneer hiding a spirit as brittle as a cracker.

Fired by Georgia along with the rest of coach Ray Goff's staff, McDuffie told Florida State coaches he was a candidate to become offensive line coach with the Miami Dolphins.

Wayne jogged in his golf-course neighborhood, pushing himself hard. He lifted weights. And, with his wife, he wrestled with plans for the future. He hoped a professional team would come calling. He had feelers in with the Dolphins. But his birthday (December 1) and the holidays passed, as did the big bowl games, the pro playoffs and the Super Bowl, and Wayne McDuffie was still unemployed. He was 51 years old. The chart, the map, had led nowhere. Football was all McDuffie had known. His phone never rang.

What happens to men like McDuffie when they lose their jobs, as he did after last season at Georgia? Or when they're passed over for a job with the Miami Dolphins, as McDuffie learned he had been the afternoon of his death?

McDuffie had been fired only twice in his life. In his first coaching job ever, when Florida State was winless during the 1973 season under head coach Larry Jones. And then last year at Georgia.

He had grown tired of the politics surrounding college football and had reluctantly accepted the fact that he never would reach his lifelong goal of being a head coach.

In researching numerous articles regarding this sad story, I came across a lot of details that link to patterns that are familiar to us as these stories seem to be more common than we are comfortable to admit.

Toni McDuffie's best hypothesis is that it was a combination of stressful factors that aggravated his 20-year battle with manic depression. For most of their married lives, Wayne had used various medications to control his moods, which would rocket up and suddenly down. But nothing seemed to work.

Over the last few years, he had complained about never really being able to enjoy life. On a scale of 10, Toni said her husband had hovered around a 4.

Ever careful not to step over the personal boundaries Wayne had set, she never asked him about his medication or whether he was taking it properly. Anything else and maybe she could have interceded, but mental illness wasn't something he talked about.

It was almost as if he considered it a character flaw instead of a medical condition.

"I know Wayne could be depressed at times," a friend said. "He was moody in the sense that when things weren't going well, he didn't take it lightly."

I'm writing this particular blog to coaches who struggle with this. Looking back over my career, I see patterns here. And I recently had to revisit some of the same concepts as I face the reality of turning 60 this summer.

I want to reach out to  stern-faced individuals....elite competitors, who drive themselves because they believe they can squeeze perfection from an imperfect world and mercilessly drive themselves  and everyone in their sphere totally convinced that it is  all for a greater good.

Do you see Coach McDuffie in yourself? Do you know one that you are close enough to have the conversation?

I gathered a number of articles in my research, I wanted to include parts of this one in particular:

Those who knew him would never imagine Wayne McDuffie admitting anything resembling weakness. "I'm trying to make something from nothing. I really thought I would die. I thought I would have a heart attack and die because I worked so hard. I worried so much and tried so desperately to hold this thing together." 

His wife lived for those moments when her tough, chiseled husband would open himself up to her. When he would express some vulnerability. When she could help Wayne carry the weight accumulated through his carefully regimented climb from playing at Florida State and coaching for more than two decades, including two stints each at his alma mater, at the University of Georgia and even for the Atlanta Falcons.

Of course, Wayne would rise above his pain. She knew that was what he always did--that he had wrestled with manic depression for years and that with her help and the help of his medication, he could cope. He would always, always pick himself up--and never admit weakness to anyone but her. He would be back to being the Wayne McDuffie that she alone knew--someone far removed from the grim, oppressive, aloof, abrasive perfectionist so many others encountered. 

 She also knew that, as Wayne turned 50, he allowed most people to see him only as cold. Mean. Egotistical. Someone to be feared, someone who could be brutally sarcastic and humiliating.

But she alone knew that his mind was forever racing, analyzing, reviewing. That there was never a moment when he wasn't sorting out some problem inside his head. His distant demeanor wasn't egotistical or intentional, she thought--it was just a byproduct of an extraordinarily active, preoccupied mind.

Wayne's mind, thought his wife, was always going in a thousand directions.

"He was absolutely the most unique character I've ever met. I'd see him in the weight room late at night, killing himself," says Matt Braswell, a former All-Southeastern Conference offensive lineman at Georgia. And when Braswell and other players would drive by the jogging McDuffie, they would lower their car windows and listen as the coach violently cursed himself for not running harder and faster. "He was a son-of-a-bitch. The closest analogy I can draw would be a drill instructor. But Wayne taught me more football than any other coach. I'm not sure it was his mantra 'to never give up.' I think it was, 'If you're going to do it. then be the best you can be . . . and if you can't do it, then you quit.'"

"He was a tough, hard-nosed football coach. You won't run across any harder," says Ray Goff, a close friend and the former Georgia coach who worked hard to lure McDuffie to his staff. "People would recruit against you because of Wayne. They'd say, 'You don't want to go there (to Georgia), the guy is too tough he's too hard.' He wanted to be the best at everything. He could not stand anything not being the best Maybe he tried to keep that same persona off the field that he had on the field-and he had a hard time distinguishing where to cut it loose."

Goff realized McDuffie was unlike anyone else he had ever met. "He was truly the most intense guy I've ever been around in my life. I've never seen the likes of Wayne McDuffie."

Something did happen. At the end of 1995, he was fired for the first time as a coach. Fired after five years, mostly successful, at Georgia--including a year when he thought he had almost given his life to the school. It was, truth be told, something Wayne saw coming. Something, said some, he had invited. Last October, he spoke to the Athens Touchdown Club and publicly suggested that Goff's staff had already been fired by athletic director Vince Dooley. McDuffie's animosity toward Dooley was thinly veiled.

"I had to address him professionally on a couple of issues that I thought he was wrong on. I called him down. But when I did it, it was over. It was just a professional thing," Dooley says. "But he may have carried it with him . . . he could have." After the Touchdown Club speech, Dooley waited three or four days, thinking that Wayne would come in to apologize or explain. "I thought he had not conducted himself the way he should have. What he did at the Touchdown Club was shocking to everybody. . . . I had a responsibility to talk to him about it."

A month later, Wayne and the rest of Ray Goff's staff were fired. 

Wayne McDuffie, everyone said would be coaching somewhere soon. But, only those handful of friends knew that was small comfort for someone who wanted to be a head coach and who studied and remapped that career path--until the reels were mindlessly flapping over and over again. 

 He watched members of the old staff move on to other jobs. He even knew that Goff was spending more time at the little farm he had in Georgia Wayne jogged in his golf-course neighborhood, pushing himself hard. He lifted weights. And, with his wife, he wrestled with plans for the future. He hoped a professional team would come calling. He had feelers in with the Dolphins.

But his birthday (December 1) and the holidays passed--as did the big bowl games, the pro playoffs and the Super Bowl--and Wayne McDuffie still was unemployed. The contract for that lakeside retirement paradise still sat unsigned on his desk. He was 51 years old. The chart, the map, had led nowhere.

By mid-February, there were times when he and Toni didn't talk. She knew, without asking, that he was struggling. But, like he had in the past, she also knew he would rise above it. On February 16, she left for her job at a Tallahassee middle school. It was 7:30 a.m. Wayne told her that she might not see him when she got home, because he was going hunting. Toni took it as a good sign that Wayne was communicating with her. As she left the house, she saw her husband watching her from the kitchen window.

Toni returned home at 4 p.m. Wayne's red car was still in the driveway, and she assumed someone else had driven on the hunting trip. There was an unerased message on the answering machine from the Dolphins: Wayne hadn't gotten the job. She left for a while to feed her horses and run errands. As Toni cleaned up the house close to 7 p.m., she sew Wayne's hunting boots on a back-porch table. She looked on the porch and stared at the blood.

Sometime that day, Wayne McDuffie had taken two shotguns, two handguns, guncleaning supplies and several rounds of ammunition and placed them on his patio table. He partially disassembled one shotgun and took the cylinder from one handgun. Dressed in blue jeans, white socks, brown leather shoes and a white Atlanta Falcons shirt, Wayne McDuffie raised the other handgun and shot himself in the chest.

Then he got up, walked one lap around the pool, sat down and shot himself again...this time in the heart.

A few years ago (May, 2022), I dedicated a number of posts to the topic of mental health and athletics- you can find the first one here:

Athletics and Mental Health

I wanted to include a portion of the last post as a help to those who struggle in the area or now someone who fits this profile:

Though modern Christianity often tends to shy away from these topics… the Bible and the history of Christianity is a hard core, blunt testimony to believers who walk in periods of darkness and despair.

If you doubt this - read David’s laments as he cries through lonely nights, Naomi who called out to those around her to change her name. She said “Don’t call me Naomi (pleasant), Call me Mara (Bitter)”. Jeremiah was known as the ‘weeping prophet”.

There is an ENTIRE book called “Lamentations”- I guarantee we don’t read that book a lot.

Martin Luther was famous for fits of what he termed a malady of melancholy.The great nineteenth century preacher Charles Spurgeon suffered from acute depression. Often he was bedridden and unable to preach, sometimes as much as twice a month.

Now, again, it is so important here to not put all of these experiences in a simple basket called 'the blues'.

The more we learn about these conditions from acute to chronic, from chemical and genetic disorders, from weather related conditions, from trauma in early life, from tragedy in life, from fear and anxiousness, to identity crisis… even spiritual crisis… this is never going to be simple and the cure will often appear out of the reach of reality… but God is never absent and we are never without hope.

I also wanted to make reference and distinguish to something similar, but not the same. Early church fathers spent much time on a season they referred to as , “The Dark Night of the Soul”.
The phrase comes from an 8 stanza poem by St. John of the Cross (1542-1591), a Spanish monk and mystic.Gerald May, in his book  Care of Mind/Care of Spirit, says that these dark night places are doing a work that is deeper than our experiences of emotion, thought or action. In some ways, it might be more helpful to call the “dark night” a non-experience or a process of ‘unknowing’ .


The word ‘distinction’ is so important in ciphering through these experiences….

“It is important for us to make a distinction between the spiritual fruit of joy and the cultural concept of happiness. A Christian can have joy in his heart while there is still spiritual depression in his head. The joy that we have sustains us through these dark nights and is not quenched by spiritual depression. The joy of the Christian is one that survives all downturns in life.” R.C. Sproul



SURPRISED BY DEPTHS OF LONGING AND DEPRESSION

I may be wrong, but I NEVER remember being ‘depressed’ for any length of time throughout my teens, 20’s, and early 30’s. Sure, I got ‘disappointed’ and I suffered loss. I went through seasons of unrequited desires.

But not only do I not remember fighting depression or negativity, I actually had little patience with anyone who did. I disliked anyone who spoke in defeatist terms.. and the ‘blues’? My shallow and unfeeling reply was ‘get over it, you loser’.

BUT LIFE (and God) made sure I experienced what Ecclesiastes was promising.

Sure I was still a man of faith, I was loved, I was blessed- I was a peaceful man more with joy than regret..


but I also found myself dealing with a strange new friends… fears, doubts, loneliness, and emptiness. And they were tangible.. I could taste them. They made my eyes tired, they kept me up at night, and I couldn’t even introduce them to my wife.

It wasn’t dramatic enough to be labeled a ‘mid-life crisis’- I wasn’t thinking of convertibles and Corona’s…..But I was pulled by a strong gravity inward to wrestle with deep desires and questions that I had hidden with youthful exuberance and a smile.

Now, here is the weird thing….looking back over 20 years of meeting these friends in sneak attacks and seasons of grief or pain….. It was wonderful!

Because I did find the one person who met me there, in the dark, under the accusing crooked fingers of my demons.

Jesus was and is there, though many times I did not see Him. He didn’t say much.. but I knew He cared. You know the old Marine saying? “You can pretend to care, but you cannot pretend to be there.” One of the greatest growth moments of faith is to look into the darkness and know you are not alone... HE WAS THERE!

How was He there? I found that God’s Word powerfully attached to all of those dispositions. I particularly found healing in Psalms and in the gospels.


“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies” (2 Cor. 4:7­-10).


The apostle Paul in writing to the Philippians gives me the admonition to be anxious for nothing,” telling me that the cure for anxiety is found on my knees, that it is the peace of God that calms my spirit and dissipates anxiety. Again, I can be anxious and nervous and worried without finally submitting to ultimate despair.


IDENTITY CRISIS AND EMPTY SLOGANS OF LIFE


Before you give me a wreath of victory… the struggle remains. And for some people, it is a lifelong battle that requires consistent medication, evaluation, and professional support. At this time, I haven’t had to go there, but it is no lack of faith and no reason for shame if I did.


I was also helped by Os Guinness in a book titled, “The Call”

For me,  Os Guinness began to articulate about finding authentic love and truth in the dark.


He writes: The notion of calling is VITAL to each of us because it touches on the modern search for a basis for individual identity and an understanding of humanness itself.


He outlines stages of human identity that is connected to our own sense of purpose. All human worldviews and philosophies speak to aspects of these ‘labels’ of identity


One is “I AM CONSTRAINED TO BE”– this simply is where we are right now by following the path that led here. It is the lot we find ourselves, and can present itself like a prison of our own circumstances. Sometimes these constraints look insurmountable… and some are.


The next one is “COURAGE TO BE”- this is the one that I held to as that optimistic 20 year old. I bought into all the snappy slogans that turned into self-help best sellers. “Be all you can be”- “Shoot for the Stars”. Now, to he honest- these are great challenges and they do ‘birth’ dreams that are helpful in the process of pulling against our restraints.


The third one is “CONSTITUTED TO BE”- this one is where most secular philosophies stop and ‘mission accomplished’ is celebrated. We have broken out of our constraints and now revel in a life. We have FOUND our identity in context of experience, passion, and skill. The power is within ourselves and can be described as a kind of 'intestinal fortitude' or 'guts'.


But the Bible does not stop there… it wants me to take one more step… a step of faith..and it is a huge deal…


‘CALLED TO BE’– this is the relationship of love that moves us with purpose and not a product of chance and whim. By being called to a person… especially the Creator and Lover of our souls, we have a place to go when our soul is wounded and crushed or flooded with anxiety. Who can we depend on when our 'guts' run out?


R.C. Sproul said it like this:


The presence of faith gives no guarantee of the absence of spiritual depression; however, the dark night of the soul always gives way to the brightness of the noonday light in the presence of God.


My relationship with a FATHER… THE FATHER.. the lover of my soul… gives me a NAME that matters.

My despair... anxiety... loneliness.. depression... grief... was good- because it drove me to the One who was seeking me all along.

C.S. Lewis says it is in our stories…. a ‘desire for a far off country’  the scent of a flower we have not found… the echo of a tune we have not heard..news from a country we have yet to visit”

And when we find Him in the depths.. we still don’t know a lot… but we know Him. And our question becomes “What do you desire me to do?”


Remember Naomi… the one who wanted to be called “Bitter”?

Naomi knew darkness. She and her husband had to sojourn in famine conditions in Moab. She had 2 sons who married Moabite women. Life was tough, but grew desperate as Naomi had to experience the death of her husband and, 10 years later, she went through the pain of losing her two sons!

And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the LORD has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”  (Ruth 1:19-21 ESV)

But, OVER TIME, Naomi experienced the love of God through Ruth and God stepped in and provided a Kinsman Redeemer and lifted this family up!
I hope you know the story about how Boaz, a kind and devout man, met Ruth and sacrificially worked to gain Ruth as his bride. And when Ruth gave Naomi a grandson… the blessing was complete.

Naomi’s identity was miraculously changed:

“Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! [15] He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” [16] Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse.” (Ruth 4:14-16 ESV)


The depression/anxiety that we struggle with may be profound, but it is not permanent, nor is it fatal.

And sometimes, all we can do… all we need to do is just keep breathing… our hearts need to keep pumping… and listen for the word of Your Father… He is THERE and He does CARE.

As a coach, these struggles have made me better. I'm not tempted by the glory of sports fame nor chained to achievements... the stuff never loves me back.

Instead... I have just loved being with athletes and I feel their anxiety and my heart aches to help them. And the cool things about kids.... the have an uncanny sense of knowing if you REALLY care about them. And one they know you care.... there is no end in how you can help them. And I don't mean how to better read the safety as he rolls to 3 cloud... or how to switch the pass pro when they feel a filed pressure coming... no you help them in deeper ways.

i want them to see me faithfully fighting with relentless optimism....


I want them to see me not running away from God in the midst of chaos and tragedy of life.. but inspiring them to cling to the One who loves and restores.

One day we will all see Him face to face...He will wipe away our tears… and we will truly know a freedom from human misery, death, and deceit.

"The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Can you dare to believe this?

If you or anyone you know of has patterns or signs of concern, make sure you reach out and find help.

We can go though a lot of things together, but no one ever really wins alone.




Monday, March 04, 2024

Brother John- Frère Jacques

Though this title is a shout out to the long famous nursery rhyme about a Monk who overslept his duty to ring the bells - Ding, Dang, Dong.... I actually wanted to write a little about John the Apostle and how he is often overlooked, at least in my life.

Throughout my time in reading the Bible, I have often gone into thought experiments about Biblical characters, thinking about their life story and their personality. And in that, I identify a lot with Peter and even have a series on 1st and 2nd Peter where I interweave a fictional re-telling of some of his stories (April/May/June 2020- A Fisherman's Tale

Recently, I have begun to think through the life of John, especially in preparing for a Sunday School series on the Book of Revelation.

Biblical history is tough- there are so many divisions of conservative and liberal Biblical scholars that it makes digging into the history problematic- jaded skepticism and human presupposition makes honest history less science and more narrative.

Even the battle about the date of Revelation leaves plenty of room for doubt. Was it written in 65-68 AD or 95AD? Was John the same John for all the Books in the Bible with his name? The worldview of each scholar is baked into his analysis and conclusion.

So as I weave this 'account' of John, note that it has many dissenters and critics to counter each piece. This account is based on reading both Biblical and extra-Biblical sources and - this is just a blog post and my view....

John and his older brother, James were fisherman. They were the sons of Zebedee and Salome and it is likely they were cousins to Jesus by the fact that Salome and Mary were sisters. It is reasonable to believe that John the apostle was an early follower of John the Baptist and when Jesus called to Andrew, I believe John was the other one. Andrew then went and told Peter about Jesus as well.

The official call for discipleship came soon after that, "going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James, son of Zebedee, and his brother John. They were preparing their nets in a boat with their father, Zebedee. Jesus called them, so they left the boat and followed him (Matthew 4:21:22, Mark 1:19-20)

It is a long church tradition to mention John as the youngest of the disciples.

John was an inner-circle disciple- The one whom Jesus loved and John and James must have been characters to be called Sons of Thunder (Boanerges). In Luke 9, these two wanted to call down fire of Samaritans who rejected Jesus:

When the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. [52] And he sent messengers ahead of him, who went and entered a village of the Samaritans, to make preparations for him. [53] But the people did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. [54] And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” [55] But he turned and rebuked them. [56] And they went on to another village. (Luke 9:51–56)

Sons of Thunder indeed!

Mom shows up in Matthew 20 with her request- notice the brothers answer....

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. [21] And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.” [22] Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink?” They said to him, “We are able.” [23] He said to them, “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” (Matthew 20:20–23 ESV)

Sadly, both did- James was the first martyr after faithfully serving the church in Jerusalem.
Acts 12:1–2
About that time Herod the king laid violent hands on some who belonged to the church. [2] He killed James the brother of John with the sword, (Acts 12:1–2 ESV). Please note that this is not the James who was the leader of the Jerusalem council and by tradition was thrown from the Temple and then stoned.

Back to John- 
At the last supper- his place was next to Christ on "Whose breast he leaned"
He was at the crucifixion where Jesus asked him to take care of Mary.
He out raced Peter to the empty tomb where he saw and believed.
He was mentioned with Peter in Acts 3, thrown in prison in Acts 4, and with Peter again in Acts 8

An extra-Biblical source says he was tortured for his faith BEFORE being sent to Patmos where he has the visions and message to write Revelation. 

The church historian Tertulian said that the Roman emperor Domitian commanded that the apostle John be boiled to death in oil, but John only continued to preach from within the pot. Thus John, the head of the church in Ephesus at the time, was banished to Patmos around A.D. 95- 97.

We read from John in Revelation:

[9] I, John, your brother and partner in the tribulation and the kingdom and the patient endurance that are in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos on account of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. (ESV)

[10] I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet [11] saying, Write what you see in a book and send it to the seven churches, to Ephesus and to Smyrna and to Pergamum and to Thyatira and to Sardis and to Philadelphia and to Laodicea.” (ESV)

Revelation is a beautiful testimony to the faithful witness of John- it could NOT have been easy to see and write about what he saw! 

And throughout the book we read: then I turned/ when I saw/ after this I looked/ then I saw/ I saw/ then I looked/ now I watched/ and I looked/ after this I saw/ I saw/ then I looked/ then I saw/ this is how I saw it in my vision/ then I saw/ and I saw/ then I saw/ then I looked/ then I saw/ and I saw/ after this I looked/ then I heard/ and I saw/ after this I saw/ .... and ON AND ON- from 1:12 all the way until 22:8

I worry we make too much of the Book if we don't understand that John is being faithful to what Christ is showing Him....

Finally, church tradition says this:

Two years after John’s exile, the emperor Domitian died, and John returned to the church in Ephesus. The youngest of the disciples lived also to be the oldest, dying in peace in Ephesus around the age of eighty after over half a century of resilient service to Jesus’ church.

If the timeline is right, John lost his brother, James in 44AD and then had another 50 years in which he too "drank the cup" to the glory of Christ!

It is believed that John was buried in the southern slope of Ayosolug Hill near Ephesus (modern day Turkey). Three hundred years after his death, a small chapel was constructed over the grave in the 4th century. The church of St John was changed into a marvelous basilica during the region of Emperor Justinian (527 -565 AD).

It later became a mosque and then deemed unusable after an earthquake.

John is NOT SLEEPING- he is alive with Christ and one day I will get to meet him!

Friday, January 26, 2024

Remembering Coach Bryant- A Decade of Posts


As many of you know - I try to post something about Coach Bryant on the anniversary of his passing away on Jan 26, 1983. The site I have dedicated to Coach Bryant is full of special memories. Today marks a decade of keeping this tradition.

You can also find posts here:
Wordpress- Coach Bryant Memories

Another year to commemorate and remember Coach Bryant. Every year, I’m not sure what to write about, but then something always hits me. This year became much easier when Coach Nick Saban announced his retirement after 17 amazing seasons with the Tide and then the subsequent hiring of Coach Kalen DeBoer.

Before I get to the coaching change, I wanted to make mention of the privilege I had to attend the Jeremiah Castille Foundation Night of Champions Dinner that honored the 1973 Alabama team on Dec.16 at the Downtown Sheraton.


It was a wonderful event that highlighted an amazing team. Both Greg Byrne and Paul Finebaum both gave wonderful tributes to Coach Bryant and that team. By far my favorite speaker that evening was Ralph Stokes who spoke of the opportunities Coach Bryant afforded him by signing him to a scholarship at Alabama. He went on to write a book about that “One of the First” that details how he overcame the prejudices and challenges of being one of the early African-American players to come to the Tide on scholarship.

I doubt Coach Bryant will ever receive the proper recognition on those early moves and how his love for all his players, his ability to build team unity, and his effort to make sure they succeeded long after football was gone.

Last night, I attended the Alabama Football Coaches Association Clinic (ALFCA) held annually in Montgomery. The High School coaches there got to hear from a number of outstanding coaches and it was the first time that Coach Deboer spoke to the Alabama high school coaches. I though he did an excellent job. 

It made me go back to some memories about Coach Bryant's retirement.



Let’s do a little remembrance of the Bryant retirement and do some comparison and contrast and the challenges ahead.

Dec. 15, 1982 changed everything in the year I had with Coach Bryant.

It was written on the board in Bryant Hall for us to report to the annex. That RARELY happened.

When I sat down and saw all the extra people in there, I immediately knew I was observing history.

My memory fails me here a little- it seemed like he either read his speech before the media and then talked to just us. Or he talked to just us and then read the speech to the media.

His talk to us was animated, energetic, optimistic. He spoke of his plan to bring on his successor and stay on as Athletic Director. He said the next coach was going to need to be able to throw the football because of the rules and the way the game was headed.

Then, when he read his speech- he seemed tired and had no energy. It was like two different men! Again, 30 year old memory.......

Here is the transcript of the read speech:

There comes a time in every profession when you need to hang it up and that time has come for me at the University of Alabama.

My main purpose as Director of Athletics and head football coach here at Alabama has been to field the best possible teams, to improve each player as a person and to produce citizens who will be a credit to our present day society.

We have been successful in most of those areas, but now, I feel the time is right for a change in our football leadership. We lost two big games this season that we should have won, and we played only four or five games like Bryant-coached teams should play. I've done a poor job of coaching.

This is my school- my alma mater- and I love it. And I love the players- but in my opinion, they deserve better coaching than they've been getting from me this year and my stepping down is an effort to see that they get better coaching from someone else.

It is a great joy for me, personally, to have had the opportunity to coach at my alma mater. I know I will miss coaching, but the thing I will miss the most is the association I have had with the players, the coaches, the competition- all of those things that have made such a strong tradition at Alabama.

I can't say enough, or thank enough, the coaches who are with me now- and those who have been there in the past.

I plan to continue as Director of Athletics and pledge my support to my successor in every respect, particularly in recruiting.


The storm was in full brew now and a pressure was building.

The rumor was already in the works that Ray Perkins of the NFL New York Giants was going to be the new coach. Believe it or not- we practiced later that day. And it was so strange- it was not mentioned at all.

But the practice was terrible. To be honest, all of the practices had been terrible up to that point. The dorm was a sea of visitors that evening.
I just drifted into the background and listened.. watched. The Liberty Bowl practices never did pick up.

What did come into full view was that Ray Perkins was coming to Alabama.
All of the attention was about Coach Perkins and what his staff might be like and what his pro style offense may do to coaches and players.

There were some sad players, and even sadder coaches. Word was that some were being told immediately that they would not be back.

The last game was a thriller- Alabama beat a good Illinois team 21-15 on a bitterly cold Memphis night and carried the Bear on their shoulders for one last time.

Jeremiah Castille was the MVP for his Liberty Bowl record 3 interceptions and Coach Bryant was all smiles.
I was so relieved and proud- this is how it was supposed to end. Coach Bryant notched his 323rd college football win in his last stand.

I wrote about this in my last post: We all know the difficulty Alabama had replacing the legend.

But I do think there are STARK differences when I think about the end of the Bryant era and the end of the Saban era.

Facilities: The facilities at Alabama had fallen behind many other schools when Coach Bryant passed away.

Program Success: The program was not operating at the level we would call “Alabama standard” when Coach Bryant retired, he knew it more than anyone.

Sudden loss of Coach Bryant: In my opinion, this was also tough in that the traffic death of the beloved coach put a hamper on the program.

School and Athletics Leadership: The actual school leaders were not perceived to be strong. A lot of the power was held by trustees and boosters. In fact, until Coach Saban came, that weakness at the top created a fragile and unstable environment.

These factors could play a role in allowing Coach DeBoer to have continued success, but we all know it is a fragile time. The success rate of following a legend is not very high, but it is doable.

Things that could hamper Coach DeBoer are somewhat out of his control and that is the difficulties of recruiting and retaining elite players in that age of the portal and NIL difficulties.

A few days ago, I posted this information with some analysis of the cannibalistic actions and attitudes of fans with unrealistic expectations. Mass communication has given naysayers and negateers way too much access to voice opinions that are at times ludacris and juvenile.

But that is the soup that all coaches have to navigate….. It is not for the faint of heart!

I also referenced a few days ago about my short analysis of the Bryant vs Saban debate. I do want to not leave out the great job by Gene Stallings and the 1992 National Championship

I do give Coach Saban the edge on career success over Coach Bryant because of the challenges of the times- though both men had great intuition on how to evolve to survive.














Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Challenges Awaiting the New Coach

As many of you know - I try to post something about Coach Bryant on the anniversary of his passing away on Jan 26, 1983. The site I have dedicated to Coach Bryant is full of special memories.

https://bearbryantmemories.wordpress.com/

With so much happening right now, I thought I would give a brief preview of the challenges in the current Bama situation and will still post something with a little more Coach Bryant flavor a few days from now, including a recap of my experience sitting through Coach Bryant's retirement in 1982.

We all know the difficulty Alabama had replacing the legend.

But I do think there are STARK differences when I think about the end of the Bryant era and the end of the Saban era.

Facilities: The facilities at Alabama had fallen behind many other schools when Coach Bryant passed away.

Program Success: The program was not operating at the level we would call “Alabama standard” when Coach Bryant retired, he knew it more than anyone.

Sudden loss of Coach Bryant: In my opinion, this was also tough in that the traffic death of the beloved coach put a hamper on the program. If handled correctly, the previous coach can help... as well as hurt. But I think both men have enough humility to make it a positive.

School and Athletics Leadership: The actual school leaders were not perceived to be strong when Coach Bryant retired. A lot of the power was held by trustees and boosters. In fact, until Coach Saban came, that weakness at the top created a fragile and unstable environment.

These factors could play a role in allowing Coach Deboer to have continued success, but we all know it is a fragile time. The success rate of following a legend is not very high, but it is doable.

Things that could hamper Coach Deboer are somewhat out of his control and that is the difficulties of recruiting and retaining elite players in this age of the portal and NIL difficulties.  Mass communication has given naysayers and negateers way too much access to voice opinions that are at times ludacris and juvenile.

But that is the soup that all coaches have to navigate….. It is not for the faint of heart!

A few years ago, I posted a short analysis of the Bryant vs Saban debate (Saban vs Bryant 2016- Jayopsis ) and  I wanted to update some of the thoughts now that both men have bookends on their amazing careers.

I will comment a little more about this on the 26th.

Here is what I posted in 2016

I have no clue WHEN (Saban retirement) that may happen... but Coach Saban himself this year hinted that even he knows that it will come at some point..... and it will be a great challenge for him to stay the course.

HISTORY SHOWS US THAT THE BEAR DID IT........


In 1969, Coach Bryant's Alabama team went 6-5, was only 2-4 in the SEC (they even lost to Vanderbilt) and was beaten 47-33 by Colorado in the Liberty Bowl.

Can you imagine what a Paul Finebaum show would sound like during that stretch?

To make matters worse, the 1970 team went 6-5-1 including the famous opening loss to Sam Cunningham and USC. USC outgained the Tide by more than 300 yards (559 yds of total offense) and whipped the Tide 42-21. Cunningham ran for 135 yds on just 12 carries.

We know the rest of this story- Alabama shocked USC the next season- went 11-1 and won the SEC, finishing #2 in the nation. That sparked the 1970's as Bryant's best decade.

Coach Saban to be honest, never had to persevere the inevitable dip that hampers all programs He only had guide the ship through the hurricane of doubters and dissent in his first season, but fans were so hungry to win, they provided energy and optimism to push through.

We all recognize a huge problem in regaining that 'winning edge' and this modern era poses more peril than ever before... and deep in my soul I always stand amazed at the passion and energy of anyone to continue to do it. Coach Saban was so unique, any other mortal man would take his money, trophies, and ride his grandchildren on his boat.

In many ways... modern day football is a young man's game..... But Saban finished on top!

WHAT MOST FOLKS MISS- IT'S MORE THAN WINS

Now let me mention the HARMONY I find between the two coaches..... did you see it? It was on display... on the Alabama sidelines during games.

Whenever former players feel comfortable coming around and want to come around- you know that a special culture is at work. Alabama's sideline during big games was always packed with many adoring former players.

That is what both Coach Bryant and Coach Saban had in common. And the fact that Coach Saban has young men (including a huge group doing well in the NFL) in such high regard of him in a generation that is more prone to mock and disregard elders... this is quite an achievement.

Coach Bryant towered in a day when it was more common to follow the leader no matter what.

But men followed him with such a passion that the bond still stays strong today.

Coach Saban has managed the same thing. But his ability to transcend generation, race, socio-economic differences, and regional differences is impressive!

Relationships matter.... and winning coaches know how to invest in their players in such a way that the players go through pain and persevere out of love and inspiration.

From what I have read, Coach Deboer excels in this ability as well.

COACH DEBOER  BIGGEST HURDLE

I posted on X about this right after the announcement of the retirement:


A few years ago, I posted the most difficult hurdle facing coaches when trying to build programs, what I call, Cannibalizing Your Team

Cannibalization is literally 'eating your own team'. And cannibals can be found among any and all parts of a team or surrounding community. It can be players, coaches, fans, parents, media.... and usually is a combination of those that forms a 'contrary wind' to that team.

By the way, the cannibals are always there..... human nature is always breeding more. The existence of cannibals is not deadly unless there are too many OR the cannibals are KEY CONSTITUENTS of a team or organization.

Cannibals eat away so many things.... but the overall impact is a loss of opportunity, a loss of positive momentum/energy, or the erosion of core values.

SELF-FULFILLING DOOMSDAY

I once worked with a coach ( a great coach by the way) who was very upset about the way we did a certain aspect of our football team. This practice was a by-product of a fundamental piece of our philosophy.

As the season went on, he would say in the head-sets, "This is not going to go well". And he said it EVERY SINGLE TIME the game situation dictated that decision because of our philosophy. And this went on.... game 1, game 2, game 3,4,5,6..... and then, in game 7... his prediction finally happened. Oh my goodness!....the 'I TOLD YOU SO' that came from him was as loud and obnoxious as any I have ever even IMAGINED.

The next coaches meeting, he was armed and ready. When we got to that place in the film, it was obvious that the decision was what it was.... but the execution of the decision was the major problem for failure.

I stopped the film.... "you know... I have been listening to you on the head-set for 7 games in a row. You have predicted this EVERY SINGLE time. Your prediction FINALLY happened... but that is like me predicting rain everyday during a five year drought until it finally rains for 5 minutes. Congratulations!" You could have cut the tension with a knife.

And that coach did not stay in the program after the season was over. As good a coach as he was, his unwillingness to buy into this was a constant corrosion. He wanted to be SO RIGHT... that he was DEAD RIGHT.

A lot of teams begin new seasons with so many cannibals, that they are already losing... even with a record of 0-0. I often hear coaches tell me how frustrating it is when parents pass along a 'group think' of the sound bites of what is wrong with a program or coach before a season even begins.

About halfway through a season a team will be .500 or below and this group of parents will be right... want the coach fired... and feel so let down because the window of opportunity to play high school sports is small.

What they don't realize is that the negative talk became a self-fulfilling prophecy and they 'cannibalized' their own team.... 

I had a parent call me one time and was upset that a dad had begun a negative campaign against the coaches. He said that the reality was that many of the parents liked the coaches and were satisfied and he was afraid that all we hear about were the complaints. I asked the dad why he didn't confront the one parent who was the loudest and most vocal.... and sadly, he was afraid to.

Finally, the day came where the upset dad called me to meet.  He came in and in pretty bold and aggressive ways expressed his opinion that we were bad coaches. He spoke on the authority that he had played in college, coached these players in youth leagues, and couldn't believe the school even hired (our head coach) in the first place- "did you know this man has never even coached a varsity team, he was just a freshman coach in his previous job!"

Looking back, I probably should not have had this conversation. If I were doing it over today I would have sent him straight to head coach... but I was young and dumb enough to think I could help.

When it was my time to respond.... he didn't like what I had to say. 'Mr ________, your son came to me yesterday because he knew we were going to be meeting today. And I had a phone call from another dad recently. In both conversations, I asked them to come talk to you and both said they were afraid to.

This is going to be hard to hear, but you are hurting your son and a lot of parents are not happy with your behavior at games. Both have asked me to ask you to stop it.

You were a great college football player, I have heard a lot of stories about how good you were. But when you yell at your son from the stands on how to play his position, you are telling him to (do  a technique) that we don't use (we ran a different system) it is opposite of what he is being coached to do and it embarrasses him. 

There were more issues in the meeting- college recruiting - we weren't tough- it wasn't a great meeting and he was hacked that his son and that dad had gotten in tough with me.

"I love our coaches and I know they are doing a great job, loving your son, coaching your son. I'm asking to to stop being loud and negative... I don't think I will change your opinion... but you are hurting the team by spreading negativity. You are hurting your son! Go home and talk to him about that, and don't go off on him... he loves you and he is trying to live up to what you want him to be!"

It did not go over well. He got red faced and stormed off. He never really got loud again, but now I was on his list as well.

Sadly, this did not go away. It grew. 

We made the playoffs that season and went to an away playoff game. It wasn't our best effort in the first half. We threw two interceptions and were having a rough time against a great defense. As we were coming into the locker room, this same dad (and at least 4 others who believed as he did) were waiting on me at the chain link gate. We had to get outside that gate to go into the visitor locker room.

He stepped in front of me and stopped me! "What are y'all doing! Thus is embarrassing! Run the ball!"

I walked around him without saying a word, and he yelled in my ear as I passed him, "This is our last game!"

And then I blew up in his face "This is halftime _______. Get away from me!"

Now what is bad about that was that it happened in front of everybody and it was a scene.

When I walked into the locker room, it was like a funeral.

Here is the crazy thing.... we were only losing 6-0!

But in that halftime, I had nothing I could tell my offense to muster them for a 2nd half charge. I tried, but they didn't believe in us, didn't believe it what we were doing, and there were just enough cannibals to let the season end....  kind of like a mercy killing.

Ironically, a few year later, we were in the semi-finals and were going in a halftime down six points. And instead of the angry mob- our fans were at the gate "Go Lions, Y'all got this! Way to go!" And we won in double overtime on our way to the state championship.

Now, am I naive enough to believe the difference in positive and negative reactions were ALL the difference? NO

But the prevailing belief (also called pre-supposition) can influence the outcome and be a type of self-fulfilling prophecy.

I used to have the newspaper article from Cleveland that had the headline story about the Browns firing Bill Belichick, "Goodbye to the Worst Coach in the History of the NFL". Belief is a pretty powerful thing!


WORK TO MAKE IT WORK

Here is another OPPOSITE illustration of negative cannibalism.

In 1999, we lost our ALL-State Tailback on a freak play to a torn ACL... the last play of the first half. It was mid-season, we lost the game, and people were beginning to wonder if we could win back-to-back state titles. It looked doubtful.

We played two more games with a quality back-up and personnel packages and won those. But we were not the dynamic offense we had been. We still had an elite defense and as far as our record, we were still a favorite to win it all.

Our head coach, Fred Yancey, surprised all of us in week 8 of the regular season by announcing a DRAMATIC move. We were going to take our starting SAM linebacker and move him to Fullback and move our Fullback to Tailback. What made this even more startling is that neither player had played those positions ALL YEAR! And the linebacker had never run with the football in his entire football life!

Immediately, there was the typical assistant coaching pushback...but Coach Yancey was adamant. This was a HC decision and he walked out.

I was offensive coordinator... but both defensive assistants AND offensive assistants kept pressing me to change Coach Yancey's mind.

I simply looked at them and said, "Guys, this is his team.. this is his decision. So, we have two choices.... gripe and moan OR get to work to make this work." And we did.

Now don't get me wrong... THIS WAS NOT EASY... and the early results were flat ugly... but we worked it with positive energy and we won the State Championship. The tailback was MVP of the game and the fullback scored on 3rd and goal at a critical time early in the game.

Winners, champions, and competitors learn early in their battles that cannibals never win. Dream killers and blame game hand wringers get it right by their own actions and beliefs. And then they get mad about it!

We do it to coaches as well..... I wonder how many programs would be more successful if they embraced their coach instead of tearing him down in endless opining of opinions. You know what a good play call is? One that works. And a bad play call doesn't.

I'm not saying that you never make changes... but I KNOW of teams who stole away their opportunities to be good because of cannibalism.

Now, one more important point is this. A lack of virtue is a type of cannibalism. We live in a world that seeks to tear down our rivals.

COMPETING WITH CLASS AND  HONOR

There is another winning edge that Coach Deboer can continue- competing with class. 

Bryant AND Coach Saban taught the State of Alabama to do it differently. They taught me as a fan and later, as a player to show class and respect toward the opponent. It is more honorable to beat a worthy opponent than to beat an unworthy one.

But we tweet 'hate week', and we spew venom, and we ridicule and mock the opposing team... so is it really a great victory if we beat them?

An example 1965 ALABAMA:

Alabama opened against Georgia on a blistering hot day in Athens for the 1965 season. Tom Brakefield was with the Bear Bryant show film crew, wiping away sweat, and enjoying every snap of a fierce contest pitting Coach Bryant against Vince Dooley.

Even though Alabama struggled all day, even going in at halftime down 10-0, Alabama rallied in the 2nd half and took a late 17-10 lead.

What took place next in the game was recently ranked by The Bleacher Report as #3 of the 12 greatest plays in college football history.

Coach Dooley called it 'flea flicker' but today is more known as a 'hook and lateral'. Kirby Moore threw the ball to Pat Hodgson who then flicked it to Bob Taylor who ran for a 73 yard touchdown to bring the score to 17-16. Georgia converted the 2 point extra points to win 18-17!

The problem was.... it looked very clear to the Alabama faithful that Pat Hodgson's knee was down, thus making the play 'dead' on the catch and the touchdown should have been disallowed!


You have to think that Alabama fans felt snake-bit. It was the first game since Joe Namath had seemingly been robbed of a game winning TD in the Orange Bowl and now they lost the opening game to a missed call in Athens!
Tom Brakefield saw a clean angle and knew he had a camera all over it. He carefully noticed which canister was going to have the field level proof!

Sure, enough, the Bear Bryant Show crew had indisputable video evidence that 'Bama had been robbed by the Bulldogs!

When Coach Bryant came in that Sunday morning to prepare for the live telecast that afternoon, he shocked everyone! As soon as he saw the clip he stopped and said as clear and forceful as he could:
"Men, I never have won a game on Sunday because of film. Please take this clip out and give it to me."

When the show went live from Channel 13 that Sunday, Coach Bryant taught the entire state on how to lose with class.

And Tom Brakefield used it to teach an even bigger lesson!

"You want to know the biggest part of that story? We lost to Georgia, we TIED Tennessee- but still upset Nebraska in the Orange Bowl to win the National Championship. At Alabama, Coach Bryant started a lesson that, even today, we understand.... if you do it right... you always have a chance!"

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I always make a plea to every athlete, coach, and fan reading this. Don't be a cannibal! Don't be that person who always focuses on the flaws. Don't create small circles of whiners and complainers who whisper in the dark and throw darts.


It was interesting how many complained about the color of the man's shirt when he was introduced at the basketball game last night- and it was a Bama shirt!

Winners are hopeful... even to the very last snap, he believes he can find a way to win. And in the end, that relentless optimism gave him MORE of a chance... where a doubtful pessimist robbed his team of the opportunity.


Here is how Coach Saban said it earlier this year (as the naysayers got louder)- at the time he was a little bit frustrated:

"People forget that we built this program on positivity"

"So we want to stay focused on the process of what we need to do to play winning football at every position. And I'm not here to create expectations for our team. Lots of people will do that. But expectations in some way are a premeditated way to create disappointment. I think you can look at it in your life and that's why I say we need to say process-oriented, not focused on the outcome, but focused on the things that we need to do to get the outcome that we want, and you know, if you have high expectations for what you want to accomplish and it doesn't work out, it makes you focus on the outcome and it doesn't work out and you're very disappointed."

Competition with honor is rewarding... win or lose.

Winning without honor... is never really a victory.

Football continues to display dramatic narratives and storylines- my favorite one is always the comeback story... someone who is cut down and counted out... but through perseverance and fight... finds victory once again.

I will cheer for the Tide no matter what and I also have a number of heroes throughout football that I pull for everyday- MEN WHO MATTER!