Two tough weeks and two nights of insomnia highlight this restless Sunday morning. Week one shouldn't be labeled as tough, but it was. Amid the riotous fun of Panama City Beach, FL I had to mentally revisit a time of tremendous hurt to me. I don't want to go over the details right now, but a friend was taken from me in very suspicious circumstances that are still hard to fathom.
Week two was tough because my father-in-law is extremely ill and seems to be slowly fading. It is hard to see such a good man and family suffer this way. It also is a mirror of my own fragility.
So I have had two long nights- feeling the pressure of life and spending time crying out to the Lord.
I have been overwhelmed at my sin and lack of spiritual temperature. The Westminster Confession speaks of those "Others, not elected, although they may be called by the ministry of the Word, and may have some common operations of the Spirit, yet they never truly come unto Christ, and therefore cannot be saved:"- when I see the depth of my passive and active sin, I can't help but wonder sometimes if I really belong to Christ.
I went over in my min all types and degrees of sin and confessed them one by one. If my salvation were left up solely to me, I would be in big trouble.
So I fully cast myself on Him- I am so tired right now- Lord, I need Your strength. It's been a hard days nights.