During Spring Break we went to Universal Orlando and had a blast. The first few days there, I continued to wrestle with the idea of Psalm 37:4 " Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of Your heart."
Part of my problem has been the human default mode of "fleshing out" a program. If I pray 5 hours a day and meditate for 3 and memorize for 3 and fast- I will be a better believer and enjoy God more. If I don't do those things, I continue to show my sin and worldliness.
This type of bent has led to the monastic practices of mortification. Some Monks beat themselves with whips and chains to chastize sin.
So I am no different. I was at an amusement park full of confusion and asking myself, "Do I really love God or the things of God? And is this just another kind of subtle idolatry?"
The breakthrough came as I watched my children. They just got on the rides and screamed with sweet delight in the thrill.
I felt God reminding me- "Unless you become like a little child- you cannot enter into the kingdom of God."
Then I read Psalm 37:4 in context and realized that the growth toward Him is initiated by Him, granted by Him, and I need to be patient...and wait on Him. Enjoying His world and my life IS enjoying Him. A gift of a Father to a son.
It doesn't relieve me of a need I have for spiritual disciplines- I need to read, pray, fast, meditate, memorize,share and worship. But I will never rid myself of sin.
I do those things as conduits for Him to work a miracle in me. And He does it slowly over time.
I cannot take pride in any improvement... He does the work. And He becomes my delight. And my heart desires are full..because they desire Him!
So here I am on a roller coaster called life- I hold on- and it is a blast! Let the adventure begin!